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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27715838">Self destructive tendencies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/flip_the_coin/pseuds/flip_the_coin'>flip_the_coin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>First Kiss, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Regulus is nice, Remus doesn't give up, Sirius almost fucks up, he feels really guilty, prank doesn't happen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:55:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,654</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27715838</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/flip_the_coin/pseuds/flip_the_coin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius feels guilty after having almost revealed the furry little problem to Snape. He lets his mother get into his head.</p>
<p>“Sirius, I love you! I love you so shut the bloody hell up and tell me or I’ll get it out of you another way!”<br/>“I ALMOST TOLD SNAPE, OKAY? I- I almost told him how to get to the Shack. "</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Self destructive tendencies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi! First Wolfstar fic, a bit angsty but they sort it out. Comments and kudos are appreciated.<br/>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two weeks had passed since the full moon, and Sirius still avoided Remus’s eyes and went out of his way to spend as little time with the three of them as possible, waking up early and coming in the dorm late, skipped a lot of meals and from what Lily had been telling her friend, he spent a lot of time in the library. James was growing concerned, given that the two of them were usually pretty much joined at the hip, and he told Remus as much that Saturday at lunch, that Sirius once again skipped.</p>
<p>“I noticed that too. What do you think is going on with him? He’s never acted like this before.”<br/>
“Dunno mate, but it started the day of the last full moon. And Sirius is never this quiet.” He seemed to have really thought about it, a pensive look in his eyes.<br/>
“You think it’s about his parents?”<br/>
“Don’t think so. I think it’s got something to do with you. Even Padfoot seemed more reserved than usual with the wolf. I think you should talk to him. After all, you do have an awful lot to talk about…” he said, looking at his friend, a significative look in his eyes that made Remus panic.<br/>
“James, I don’t-“<br/>
“Come on Moons, I’m pretty sure the two of you are the only ones oblivious enough not to notice. Really, go talk to him. If you don’t want to tell him, don’t. But get him out of this mood at least.”</p>
<p>Remus thought about the past two weeks: Sirius had avoided them and hadn’t suggest any new pranks,  paid attention in class and didn’t get involved in any arguments with the Slytherins, and it definitely wasn’t from them not trying to get on his nerves. But every time they messed with him, he just walked away. He probably thought the others hadn’t noticed, but Remus saw the sad, guilty looks thrown his way at mealtimes and during class.</p>
<p>Even McGonagall had seemed slightly concerned about his silence. Snape, weirdly enough, seemed to have gathered up more courage, even going as far as calling Lily a mudblood, which seemed to effectively sever their friendship, much to James’ joy. It might’ve been a stretch, but Remus felt like there had to be a connection between these changes, and you could say Snape was happy because of Sirius’ sadness, but James was still getting into heated arguments with the Slytherin, having almost gotten in a duel that day he snapped at Lily. Still, Sirius had had no reaction.</p>
<p> He looked across the hall at the Slytherin table, where Snape seemed to be animatedly talking to Regulus, who couldn’t seem to be bothered. Remus briefly wondered if he had sensed the changes in his brother’s behavior as well.<br/>
Deciding he had to find out what it was about, he said goodbye to James and Pete, and headed out of the Great Hall.</p>
<p>Assuming that Sirius was either stressed or mad, he checked their dorm first, and, finding it empty, headed for the astronomy tower, on the top of which Sirius liked to go smoke and relieve the stress. Remus had gone there with him multiple times to set the letters from his parents on fire, and on two occasions, wedding invitations from his cousins.<br/>
Sure enough, he found him sitting on the edge, leaning on the banister, a cigarette dangling from his lips.</p>
<p>“Pads…” he straightened and turned his head.<br/>
“Remus? What are you doing here?”<br/>
“Sirius, you can’t keep avoiding us like this, we’re your friends, you can talk to us.”<br/>
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”<br/>
“What’s that supposed to mean?” The curly haired boy rested his head against the banister, and snubbed out his cigarette on the floor. Seeing he had no intention of getting up, Remus sat down next to him, placing his hand on his friend’s shoulder. Sirius flinched slightly, and shook him off.</p>
<p>After several minutes of heavy silence, Sirius opened his mouth, his voice coming out shaky.<br/>
“I almost did a stupid thing Re, a very, very stupid thing.” he started popping his fingers, like he did when he was worried, and avoided his friend’s eyes.<br/>
“And that’s why you haven’t talked to us? You know we can help, right? We’re here for you, always.”The other boy looked wary, then a bit conflicted, and finally, his eyes darkened and he lowered his head.<br/>
“It’s about you Re. I got really mad at Snivellus and almost- I was very stupid and I can’t believe I almost did that to you, it was terrible.”<br/>
“Pads, what happened? Just tell me, you can’t just distance yourself from us like that. We’re your friends, I’m your friend.”<br/>
“Look Remus, I care too much about you to do this to you. It’s just better to keep my distance, so I can’t hurt you.”<br/>
“What the hell are you talking about Sirius? This is ridiculous, you’re hurting me more by doing this, just tell me.” He was almost yelling at this point.<br/>
“I can’t.”<br/>
“Out with it, Padfoot, really.”<br/>
“No way.”<br/>
“Sirius, I’m telling you-”<br/>
“Moons, I can’t risk your safety like this, really, you’d hate me if you knew. I c-”<br/>
“Sirius, I love you! I love you so shut the bloody hell up and tell me or I’ll get it out of you another way!”</p>
<p>“I ALMOST TOLD SNAPE, OKAY? I- I almost told him how to get to the Shack. Two weeks ago. And he could’ve seen you and he could’ve told the Slytherins.” His voice broke down and he seemed to be struggling to get the words out  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but it could have ended terribly, and it would’ve been my fault. I’m sorry Moony…” his sobs were filling the silence, and he got up and ran back in the school. Remus was left sitting on the cold floor of the tower, eyes wide and heart hammering wildly in his chest. This is definitely not how he imagined his confession would go. But now he had to figure this thing out with Sirius. Now he knew why he had been avoiding them, but he was no closer to figuring out what was going on in his friend’s had. But maybe his brother knew something…</p>
<p>Not managing to find him again, he took the map from James and tracked Regulus down. Lucky for him, the Slytherin was alone under the lone willow next to the lake.<br/>
“Regulus, I need to talk to you.” He looked up and motioned for Remus to sit. They’d never been enemies, like most Slytherins and Gryffindors were, but they also couldn’t be called friends.<br/>
“I assume this is about how odd Sirius has been acting lately?” the Gryffindor nodded.</p>
<p>“I thought maybe you knew something about it.” Regulus looked in the distance for a bit, and opened his mouth a few times, not seeming to find quite the right words.<br/>
“I don’t really know what happened between you and him, but I think mother might have gotten into his head this summer.” He told Remus how his parents tried to convince his brother that his ‘fragile, school friendships’ were going to break as soon as they left Hogwarts, if not sooner, when his peers realized just how utterly useless and pathetic he was. They had tried to drill that in his head since first year, but something seemed to shift during that summer.<br/>
“I’m sure you know just how self distructive my brother tends to be sometimes. I assume he’s trying to sever the connection before you get to do it.”<br/>
“About Snape…do you happen to know why he’s been acting so…also unlike himself?”<br/>
“No clue. Although he’s been ranting about a secret of yours he almost got out of Sirius. He hasn’t been able to get a hold of him to find it out, but honestly, it doesn’t really seem like he’s trying to.”</p>
<p>Satisfied with the answers he got, Remus sped towards the dorm, where he found Sirius’s curtains pulled.<br/>
“Open up Padfoot, we have to talk.”<br/>
“I know you’re mad, I promise I’ll just keep away.”<br/>
“Sirius, I know about what your mom said. And I also know you didn’t mean to tell Severus anything, you’re just mad and confused and scared.” He pulled open the curtains, to find Sirius looking up at him, eyes puffy and red.</p>
<p>“About earlier Moons...did you really mean it?”<br/>
“Mean what? I said a lot of things Sirius.”<br/>
“That you loved me.” He whispered, and Remus barely picked it up, and blushed, but kept a determined face.<br/>
“Of course I meant it Pads, you’re funny, and clever without even trying, and you’re a fierce friend, you became an Animagus for me for Merlin’s sake! And you’re beautiful and determined and managed to become such an amazing person, even with your upbringing.”<br/>
“But I almost outed you as a werewolf Moony. How can you still say that?”<br/>
“But you didn’t. You were sad, and scared and angry and still held yourself back. And that is very telling. You cannot push us away like you did, we can talk it through, and help.”</p>
<p>Without thinking, and knowing he might regret it if he didn’t do it now, Sirius pushed himself up and, grabbing Remus’ face, pressed their lips together. Recovering quickly from his shock, the taller boy grabbed the other’s waist and kissed him back fiercely, trying to pour all his love in the kiss.</p>
<p>When they finally pulled apart, panting, Sirius looked up, smiling.<br/>
“I’m sorry for what I almost did Re, I love you so much and I almost hurt you terribly. I won’t let my mom get in my head like that again. I promise I’ll talk to you next time.”<br/>
“I know you will.” Remus told him softly, kissing his forehead. “I know you will.”</p>
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